your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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