You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
