I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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