he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
