dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
