I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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