you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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