i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
