somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
