when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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