she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
