i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
