Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
