yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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