if you like me you must not know who I am
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
