fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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