I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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