had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
