My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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