It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
