its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
