I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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