Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Green mimosas i think yes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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