Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
