first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
