Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
