Me too!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
