i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
