Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
