i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
