after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
