At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have fence marks all over my body
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
