I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
