omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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