You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
