She said her name was "party"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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