so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
