Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
