Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
