Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
