If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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