dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
