Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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