woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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