allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
