Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
