You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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