Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
