Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
