I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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